by Liziwe Chumani Ntshweza
Like most of us I have found myself in a general haze, a fog that clouds my daily experiences and refuses to lift. I’m a creature of habit and routine, so fortunately the mechanics of my life have continued, even though at some points I may no longer be fully engaged. I reflect on when I last had a moment that filled me with joy and I have found myself wanting. This is despite so many incredible things happening both in my personal and professional life. I sat down with my therapist and did my usual self-check, the conclusion? Not depression, yet. If not that, then what? After much journaling and podcasting it hit me: I AM TIRED! EXHAUSTION. That is what it was.
No amount of sleep, drinking two liters of water or exercising regularly could get me out of it. So I started reaching out to friends and I found that most of them were caught in this fog too. While this was affirming it was also terrifying. We’re all depleted and to be honest that should be expected. We are no longer just dealing with the regular stresses life. We are also living in a time where death is a cloud that hangs around us all the time and it feels as though we are confronted with increasing levels of disregard for social-justice every day and each time we pick up our phones.
Within this context, it is surprising that many of our workplaces have not made the necessary changes to support us in managing this reality, because let’s face it, work influence so much of our day-to-day. Deadlines remain unchanged, unmoved and unshaken; while our mental health creaks and becomes increasingly shaky. Work blurs into home with ease as many of us are confined to our at home workspaces. I. am.finished.
I do all that I should be doing to take care of myself and still, here I am, depleted. I’m wondering how many days of leave I should take to fully recover from a year and some change of what seems like a never-ending horror show. We practice gratitude everyday. I know I am blessed but can I be both blessed and sincerely over this mess?
I have no conclusions or solutions to this but I thought that perhaps someone might read this and feel seen and heard. So if like me, you feel emotionally and mentally worn, this is my way of telling you, “Same”.
